Children between the age of 3 to 6 years are very curious about their environment. At this stage many things influence children's self-esteem like his innate abilities, his experiences with people surrounding him etc. They begin to understand what behaviors are acceptable and what are not and whether they are capable to carry out those socially approved behaviors. Their self-esteem rise and fall in cycles from day to day. One day they feel good about themselves but the next day even if one thing goes wrong, they end up feeling worthless. Hence, it is essential for parents to assure that at this stage their child’s sense of purpose overpowers his sense of guilt.
The first step towards gaining this is to understand that the child cannot differentiate between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviors. Hence, he might engage in several ‘wrong’ behaviors. But this does not mean that he is behaving in a bad manner because he is stubborn, naughty or just wants to disobey you. He is just curious and wants to “get it right”. For example your child will try to lift or pull any breakable item he can reach. It is not just because he is mischievous but he wants to gain a sense of mastery over that task.
It is essential for the parents to help their young ones through this stage. They need to boost their child’s self esteem otherwise he might end up believing that he is not capable of performing socially approved behaviors. He will manifest low self confidence and might withdraw into a shell.
A parent needs to understand a child’s motivation behind such behaviors and should essentially communicate this understanding to him. It is essential to convey that you appreciate the child’s curiosity and does not think that he is mischievous or stubborn.
Let’s understand this with an example.
Unhealthy Communication:
“DON’T touch the lamp. Can’t you listen? How many times do I have to repeat?”
Meaning of the message – You do not wish to listen to me and always like to trouble me.
Child's understanding – Mom/Dad thinks I am bad & stubborn. They do not like me.
A Healthy Communication:
“Baby, do you want to lift the lamp? Okay. But I think it is too big for your little hands and it can break. If you anyway want to pick it then try lifting it along with me. We can both hold it. Or, why don’t you try lifting something which is smaller and can fit in your hands.”
Meaning of the message – I understand that you wish to lift the lamp; however it could break as it is too big. Let us try doing this together or you can try to lift a smaller object.
Child's understanding – Mom/dad wants to help me do this. They are concerned that it might break. Let me see if I can hold it along with her.
It is necessary to keep in mind that the child may not always obey you even upon healthy communication. We need to be firm but polite and let them understand that they will not be allowed to lift the lamp alone. They will then adhere to one of the alternatives given to them and with time will start abiding by what you tell them.
The first step towards gaining this is to understand that the child cannot differentiate between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviors. Hence, he might engage in several ‘wrong’ behaviors. But this does not mean that he is behaving in a bad manner because he is stubborn, naughty or just wants to disobey you. He is just curious and wants to “get it right”. For example your child will try to lift or pull any breakable item he can reach. It is not just because he is mischievous but he wants to gain a sense of mastery over that task.
It is essential for the parents to help their young ones through this stage. They need to boost their child’s self esteem otherwise he might end up believing that he is not capable of performing socially approved behaviors. He will manifest low self confidence and might withdraw into a shell.
A parent needs to understand a child’s motivation behind such behaviors and should essentially communicate this understanding to him. It is essential to convey that you appreciate the child’s curiosity and does not think that he is mischievous or stubborn.
Let’s understand this with an example.
Unhealthy Communication:
“DON’T touch the lamp. Can’t you listen? How many times do I have to repeat?”
Meaning of the message – You do not wish to listen to me and always like to trouble me.
Child's understanding – Mom/Dad thinks I am bad & stubborn. They do not like me.
A Healthy Communication:
“Baby, do you want to lift the lamp? Okay. But I think it is too big for your little hands and it can break. If you anyway want to pick it then try lifting it along with me. We can both hold it. Or, why don’t you try lifting something which is smaller and can fit in your hands.”
Meaning of the message – I understand that you wish to lift the lamp; however it could break as it is too big. Let us try doing this together or you can try to lift a smaller object.
Child's understanding – Mom/dad wants to help me do this. They are concerned that it might break. Let me see if I can hold it along with her.
It is necessary to keep in mind that the child may not always obey you even upon healthy communication. We need to be firm but polite and let them understand that they will not be allowed to lift the lamp alone. They will then adhere to one of the alternatives given to them and with time will start abiding by what you tell them.
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