Behavior Modification In Children

Dealing with the child’s difficult behavior is often a prime area of concern for parents. Most parents think: How can I teach my daughter to keep her room clean or my toddler to stop running away when I ask him to stop playing and study?

These types of behaviors can be changed. And parents play a necessary and critical role in modifying their child’s wrong behavior as no one knows the child better than them. Firstly, parent’s need to understand “what makes their child engage in such behavior?” The goal is to figure out the cause behind that behavior and to replace it with the right behavior.

Let’s see the areas on which the parents should focus to bring a positive change in their child’s behavior.

Specification

The good or bad behavior of child must be properly defined. For example, poorly defined behavior would be “acting bad or good” whereas a well-defined behavior would be running around the room (bad) or starting homework on time (good).

Measurement

Once the targeted behaviors have been identified, the measurement of frequency of its occurrence is of utmost importance. Eg. Fights with sibling once a month/ twice in a week/ thrice a day etc.

Prioritization

Decide what behavior needs change first and what behaviors can be dealt with at a later point. As all behaviors cannot be changed at once so targeting too many problem areas might not produce success.

What came before and after

To understand and respond effectively to problematic behavior, you have to pay careful attention to what came before it and what comes after it. There are three important aspects:

• Antecedents: Preceding factors that make a behavior more or less likely to occur. Anticipating antecedents is an extremely helpful tool in preventing misbehavior.
• Behaviors: The specific actions you are trying to encourage or discourage.
• Consequences: The results that naturally follow a behavior. The more immediate the consequence, the more powerful it is.

What Reward Could Change The Behavior

Every behavior has some sort of reward. Children derive rewards out of problem behavior. It can be as small as getting a chocolate or a toy after incessant begging, getting everyone’s attention after a loud cry, feeling independent after an argument or winning love of others by crying etc. Behavior can be changed by providing the desired emotional reward after positive behavior instead of negative.

Catch your child’s positive actions or behaviors and reward them for that to motivate the kids to do that particular behavior more often. For e.g. give the child the freedom of choice (choosing the color of one’s clothes/ choosing which game to play etc) if he uses his manners and does not argue. Likewise, catch your child's negative actions or behaviors and offer him some sort of consequence like taking their favorite thing away.

For a child who behaves in a negative manner just to grab the attention, the best thing is to ignore the child’s behaviors and not react at all. This way he won’t get what he is seeking i.e. attention. The child will eventually decrease this behavior when he will see his parent not giving in.

But parents also need to remember that all problems in the children might not reduce to their satisfaction at once. The aim is to reduce those behaviors first that are interfering with their adaptive functioning. Eventually they will start making the right choices and exhibiting the right behavior.

Sowing the Seeds of Self Esteem in Child

Children between the age of 3 to 6 years are very curious about their environment. At this stage many things influence children's self-esteem like his innate abilities, his experiences with people surrounding him etc. They begin to understand what behaviors are acceptable and what are not and whether they are capable to carry out those socially approved behaviors. Their self-esteem rise and fall in cycles from day to day. One day they feel good about themselves but the next day even if one thing goes wrong, they end up feeling worthless. Hence, it is essential for parents to assure that at this stage their child’s sense of purpose overpowers his sense of guilt.

The first step towards gaining this is to understand that the child cannot differentiate between ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviors. Hence, he might engage in several ‘wrong’ behaviors. But this does not mean that he is behaving in a bad manner because he is stubborn, naughty or just wants to disobey you. He is just curious and wants to “get it right”. For example your child will try to lift or pull any breakable item he can reach. It is not just because he is mischievous but he wants to gain a sense of mastery over that task.

It is essential for the parents to help their young ones through this stage. They need to boost their child’s self esteem otherwise he might end up believing that he is not capable of performing socially approved behaviors. He will manifest low self confidence and might withdraw into a shell.

A parent needs to understand a child’s motivation behind such behaviors and should essentially communicate this understanding to him. It is essential to convey that you appreciate the child’s curiosity and does not think that he is mischievous or stubborn.

Let’s understand this with an example.

Unhealthy Communication:

“DON’T touch the lamp. Can’t you listen? How many times do I have to repeat?”

Meaning of the message – You do not wish to listen to me and always like to trouble me.

Child's understanding – Mom/Dad thinks I am bad & stubborn. They do not like me.

A Healthy Communication:

“Baby, do you want to lift the lamp? Okay. But I think it is too big for your little hands and it can break. If you anyway want to pick it then try lifting it along with me. We can both hold it. Or, why don’t you try lifting something which is smaller and can fit in your hands.”

Meaning of the message – I understand that you wish to lift the lamp; however it could break as it is too big. Let us try doing this together or you can try to lift a smaller object.

Child's understanding – Mom/dad wants to help me do this. They are concerned that it might break. Let me see if I can hold it along with her.

It is necessary to keep in mind that the child may not always obey you even upon healthy communication. We need to be firm but polite and let them understand that they will not be allowed to lift the lamp alone. They will then adhere to one of the alternatives given to them and with time will start abiding by what you tell them.