Being Honest with your Child

When word “Honesty” is mentioned, to the most it sounds being honest in their speech. Honesty in speech is just as important as it is in child raising. Our ability to honestly relate our emotions, needs & wants to our child is usually underplayed or misunderstood. Two major reasons for this are:

• The child is not entitled to listen to the information because they should just do what they are told.
• We should hide our emotions from them as they are not mentally equipped to deal with them.

The problem with the first of these two traits of thought is that we are depriving our child from the great opportunity to see how their actions would be and should be perceived and we are completely shirking our responsibility of teaching our child how to interact with people. If they are not exposed and taught about the emotions, wants & needs of those around them by parents then how would they be able to take their emotions into account or understand them. So, does that mean every time our child upsets us it’s okay and we should turn into a hulk. No- Parents should remember that they are modelling and they should set up a good example. We should set an example in front of them about the best way of handling the emotions.

First step is to articulate the emotion, need & want that we are dealing with. So basically, it is about having an open dialogue with your child about your feelings and preferences. Obviously, this would be different at different ages. We would be less honest about our emotions with toddlers than our teenagers. For e.g., your toddler wants to read the story book for the eighth time in one sitting so you can say that “I am so happy that you enjoy reading this story so much but we have already read it so many times now and I get tired. How about we read another story or another book.” Now the important part is not that you don’t read the story again its more about you relating your message with an emotion and telling your child that you also have an emotion about the current activity which can be different from the one they are experiencing. This tells them to consider your emotion as well while carrying out an activity. Hence, making them aware of emotions. If the situation calls for then you can also negotiate with your child like “I am feeling tired and bored so can we do some other activity after reading it once more.” 

Let’s take another example, if your toddler starts whining for something, refrain from rewarding their behavior. Even if they are doing this because they are tired or hungry, don’t jump at their request. Instead you can tell them that you understand that they are tired or hungry and would certainly help them but whining is not the way to get your attention. If they need anything they need to ask nicely only then they will get your help.

However, your response with a teenager in a similar situation would be different as they have a better understanding and experience than a toddler. You can tell them that you know they are upset or frustrated but the tone in which they are talking is inappropriate. Not only it is disrespectful but also undermining their goal of soliciting any help from you.  So maybe they would want to restate what they said in a nicer and respectful manner.

In both the situations you as a parent are being honest with your emotions and child. It is crucial for you to develop this trait in them from an early age. Positive directions are hugely helpful when it comes to teaching life skills. Honesty should not just be in our speech but also in our emotions, wants and needs.